Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery

Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships - Steven R. Covey

One of the most common requests I get for counselling is to help people with their relationships in recovery from addiction. This can mean anything from repairing current relationships to developing healthier connections in the present and future. Sometimes the threat of losing a partner can be the catalyst for getting into recovery. Whatever the starting place, ultimately it is the addicted persons desire for a better life, including healthier relationships as a center piece, that will sustain their recovery.

There can be no doubt about it, relationships are hurt by addiction. From the constant fear of losing a loved one to addiction, and possibly death, to financial chaos, and the loss of trust and intimacy, addiction drives a wedge between loved ones. Partners of addicts often talk to me about the difficulty overcoming feelings of betrayal, as it seems like their loved one has been 'having an affair' with their substance or compulsive behaviour of choice. The secrecy and lies that are a hallmark of addictive behaviour compound that sense of being cheated on. Addiction results in a loss of intimacy as the energy that was formerly invested in the relationship is stolen by addictive behaviour. From my experience, rebuilding trust in intimate relationships can be one of the biggest but most rewarding of recovery challenges.

What are the steps to rebuilding relationships in recovery? There are parallel paths for people in recovery and their loved ones.

For the recovering person: