Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery

Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships - Steven R. Covey

One of the most common requests I get for counselling is to help people with their relationships in recovery from addiction. This can mean anything from repairing current relationships to developing healthier connections in the present and future. Sometimes the threat of losing a partner can be the catalyst for getting into recovery. Whatever the starting place, ultimately it is the addicted persons desire for a better life, including healthier relationships as a center piece, that will sustain their recovery.

There can be no doubt about it, relationships are hurt by addiction. From the constant fear of losing a loved one to addiction, and possibly death, to financial chaos, and the loss of trust and intimacy, addiction drives a wedge between loved ones. Partners of addicts often talk to me about the difficulty overcoming feelings of betrayal, as it seems like their loved one has been 'having an affair' with their substance or compulsive behaviour of choice. The secrecy and lies that are a hallmark of addictive behaviour compound that sense of being cheated on. Addiction results in a loss of intimacy as the energy that was formerly invested in the relationship is stolen by addictive behaviour. From my experience, rebuilding trust in intimate relationships can be one of the biggest but most rewarding of recovery challenges.

What are the steps to rebuilding relationships in recovery? There are parallel paths for people in recovery and their loved ones.

For the recovering person:

As with the addictive process itself - avoid minimizing and denial of the problem. Acknowledging that addiction has hurt your loved ones, even if you have trouble seeing this clearly due to memory being clouded by addiction, can be the first vital step towards healing the relationship

Apologize for the hurt, and listen emphatically to your loved ones concerns, fear and anger

Realize that it will take time to rebuild trust. Learn to cultivate patience

Acquire new communication skills, including being direct about what you feel and need.

Define a vision for a better life with your partner, and - together - map out how to get there

Seek counselling to overcome psychological difficulties that led to addictive behaviours, and leave you vulnerable to relapse

Become a more active parent

For loved ones:

Understand that your hurt is normal. Build hope by focusing on your long term goal - i.e. to reconnect positively with your loved one in recovery

Learn helpful communications strategies, including being assertive and setting healthy limits. Stop any enabling behaviours such as overcompensating for your recovering loved one

Refocus on yourself. Pursue individual and family activities that are a source of fulfillment and happiness

Talk with your recovering loved one about your hopes for your future relationship, and agree on mutual steps to take to get there

For both the recovering addict and loved ones, staying committed to the overall well being of oneself and the relationship is key. If the going gets tough, consider attending couple and/or family counselling to rebuild, stabilize and strengthen your relationship.

To get started on moving your recovery forward today, I invite you to visit my website http://www.RecoveryCounsellingSolutions.com. While visiting my site please check out my Blog, and sign up for my Free Report: "7 Addiction Recovery 'Red Flags' and What To Do About Them".

Glynis Sherwood, MEd, CCC, CSAC - Your Addiction Recovery Guide - is a Certified Counsellor, Consultant and Coach residing in Vancouver, Canada. Glynis provides in-person counselling at her office in central Vancouver, and Telephone and Online counselling and coaching services across North America.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Glynis_Sherwood

Previous Posts:

Next Posts: